Our children rely on us to care for them and protect them from situations where someone or something might harm them. This requires dedication and altruism to ensure that our children have their needs met and they can grow into healthy adults. Unfortunately, life is not always smooth sailing for children since their home lives can suffer when their parents can no longer sustain their relationship. When divorce is an issue, our children face a significant amount of emotional distress, but the worst is when they face physical distress.
In a divorce, there is a significant part of the negotiations in which custody of a child is determined. While child custody negotiations try to be fair and base the decision on what is best for the child, there are situations where that is not as clear as we would like. Some people can give the appearance of being a capable parent when they are not, whereas others are the opposite.
Unfortunately, some child custody arrangements inadvertently put children in the custody of a parent who is ill-equipped to care for them. The worst situations are when a child is left in unsuitable living conditions due to their parent's inability to care for them or worse.
The first step to proving that your child is in an unsuitable living arrangement is to observe the behaviors and environment of the custodial parent. Claiming that the child's living arrangement is unsuitable is simple, but you need a basis for the accusation. There are several actions your ex-spouse can take that endanger the child's mental and physical health.
To confirm that your ex-spouse is unsuitable to care for your child, you will need to observe their behavior around your child for signs of the following:
Observing your ex-spouse's behavior and treatment of the child is an excellent first step, but there is more you need to assess.
There are certain amenities a home must have to be suitable for a child, and the custodial parent must meet certain needs. These include:
If your ex-spouse treats the child poorly or is housing them somewhere where resources and space are lacking, it can be considered unsuitable. Most children require significant care from their parents to develop properly and remain healthy. When the parent responsible for their day-to-day care is unreliable and allows them to live in an unsuitable environment, it compromises their chances of healthy development.
While observing these details is important, the claims will go unheeded without the proper documentation. As with any legal inquiry, evidence rules above all else and will be necessary to prove that your ex-spouse is unsuitable for raising your child.
Gathering evidence of a neglectful or abusive parent can be extremely difficult and might be taken less seriously if the inquiry begins after the divorce has been finalized. Fortunately, most forms of evidence supersede the court's doubts and can be used to prove that your ex-spouse cannot care for your child.
The behaviors and environmental factors you observed in step #1 are the keys to your inquest, but stating them does not mean they will be taken as fact. You will be responsible for proving that what you observed was true by any means permitted by the legal process. The best way to start gathering evidence is to confer with people who can regularly observe your ex-spouse's activities around your child. Witnesses are not always the most reliable sources of evidence, but the court system always listens to what they say so long as they are not discredited.
While you might have difficulty getting their relatives to confirm neglect or abuse, neighbors are more willing to speak up against these actions. Confer with neighbors and ask what, if anything, they have seen or heard concerning how your ex-spouse treats and provides for your child.
If they have observed questionable behavior, ask if they are willing to testify in court about what they observed. If they agree, their corroborating statements could help sway the process in your favor. The same principle applies to relatives of your ex-spouse who might be willing to testify.
While witness statements can help, they are seldom sufficient to prove your claims. You must gather as much hard evidence as possible to ensure your ex-spouse's neglect is brought to light. In the old days, gathering evidence like this was extremely challenging due to the lack of investigative tools and people's ability to destroy or bury the evidence.
Nowadays, evidence is supplied by the network we use to communicate with the people around us. Additionally, we have access to recording devices that are small enough to fit in our pockets to document others and their actions. These resources will be the greatest source of physical evidence you have against your ex-spouse. You will want to gather the following:
The evidence you gather will make or break your claims that your ex-spouse is unsuitable as a full-time guardian. Without evidence, your claims can easily be dismissed as vindictive or defamatory, which opens you up to a countersuit filed by your ex-spouse. Once you have observed your ex-spouse's behaviors and acquired the necessary evidence, you might be unsure about what to do next. Fortunately, that question has a pretty simple answer.
Child custody arrangements are designed to be permanent, so the child's life does not experience frequent disruptions. Nevertheless, extreme circumstances enable parents to petition the court for custody modification. These modifications must have a good reason, but the custodial parent being unsuitable for raising a child qualifies.
The exact process you will follow will vary depending on your state, as every state has its own civil proceedings that might not carry across borders. You should consult with an attorney for specific information about your state's custody modification laws. Otherwise, a few universal concepts will apply regardless of the state laws. To begin, you might have to contact Child Protective Services (CPS) depending on what your ex-spouse has been doing to your child.
CPS can further investigate your claims and possibly find the evidence you could not acquire. While contacting CPS might be necessary, you might be advised not to contact them by your attorney if you could gather the evidence yourself. The most important step is petitioning for custody regardless of whether CPS is contacted.
This petition will request custody of the child since your ex-spouse is unsuitable for the role. Petitioning for custody can be done via your attorney, or you can go to the courthouse yourself to begin the process. Either way, this petition triggers the process you use to regain custody of your child and expose your ex-spouse's behavior.
Once the petition has been made, and your ex-spouse has been served with the proper paperwork, there will eventually be a hearing. This hearing, which a judge oversees, will be the arena in which you and your ex-spouse will exchange information to prove or disprove the claims your ex-spouse is unsuitable as a full-time guardian. This is where the evidence and witness statements from steps #1 and #2 play their biggest role.
If considered admissible by court standards, the evidence you submit will help the judge determine whether your ex-spouse is unsuitable to continue raising the child. If abuse is proven, your ex-spouse might face a prison sentence (especially in cases of sexual abuse).
Divorce can severely impact the family dynamic between you, your ex-spouse, and your children. When the custody negotiations begin, you will likely be nervous or fearful of losing custody to your spouse. Facing that fear and claiming they are unsuitable during the divorce is important since that is when your statement will be the most powerful. Attempts after the fact will face skepticism since you did not mention it during the divorce proceedings.
Despite that issue, you still have the power to petition for custody if your spouse is unsuitable as a parent. Evidence is the only tool needed to demonstrate to the civil court that your ex-spouse cannot care for your child properly or presents a danger. No child should be subjected to unsuitable living conditions, but sometimes, children are sent to the care of the wrong parent.
You might find it difficult to believe that a mistake as severe as placing a child in the care of an unsuitable parent could ever happen. Unfortunately, some people are manipulative enough to come across as suitable parents during divorce. Worse, some people do so by undermining your qualifications to serve as the custodial parent. The best way to combat these underhanded tactics is to learn as much as possible about divorce and the scenarios it might induce.
Divorce law is extremely complicated, but the information is more common than it used to be. Finding this information could make the difference between a judge sending your child home with an abusive parent or sending them home with a loving one. We realize that this is a highly unpleasant situation to find yourself in, but we hope that this article was of some help to you.