Infidelity is a common issue in many relationships. Little in the world is as heartbreaking as discovering your husband is cheating on you. Unfortunately, around 25% of men have had extramarital affairs in the United States alone. In reality, some relationships cannot survive due to one party's inability to commit to another person entirely. Believing that your spouse is sleeping around is a heart-wrenching thought, especially if you were genuinely committed to the marriage. However, if your husband is unable or unwilling to return that dedication, you might be hurt by his lack of loyalty.
That said, you should not blindly accuse your spouse of infidelity either. Doing so could severely damage the relationship and push him towards infidelity. While it might seem like a conundrum, there are ways to determine if your husband is indeed cheating on you. You see, the act of infidelity takes a psychological toll that results in the offending spouse behaving in a certain way. These behaviors can be clues you can use to determine if your husband is cheating on you or not before you confront him.
This article will outline some of the most common signs of a disloyal husband.
One of the earliest signs of a cheating husband is a change in his disposition towards you.
Often, a cheater looks for another man or woman to escape the routine of marriage and satisfy urges he feels he cannot satisfy with you. Rather than try to talk things through, he will seek out a new partner behind your back.
For example, he might suddenly take issue with how you dress and turn it into an explosive argument since he has found pleasure elsewhere. He essentially stops caring about rational discussion and turns everything into an argument. Sometimes, a cheating husband's combative behavior evolves into borderline abuse. He might become more controlling of you to try and mask his affair.
A cheating husband's ability to communicate with you will suffer similarly to the previous sign.
For example, say he steps out of the house to run an errand, but when you inquire further, he refuses to specify the exact nature of the errand. Later, when he returns home, and you ask him how things were, he will likely respond with a simple, one-word response like "fine" or "okay" to avoid going into detail. Odds are, rather than running an errand, he was out seeing his lover. He will even become more reserved about sharing with you emotionally and stop talking to you about things he was previously happy to discuss.
Similar to how your husband might avoid details, he might become defensive when you press for information.
If you inquire about his day or ask follow-up questions, he might react explosively and say something along the lines of how you are "interrogating him" or giving him the third degree.
As a result, the stress wears away his ability to cope with pressure and causes him to react explosively when you inquire for details about his activities.
When you are married to someone for a time, you get to know their daily routine and schedule. It is common and one of those small joys of marriage since you can rely on seeing your loved one.
If your husband's schedule becomes more erratic, it might be because he is attempting to disguise his outings with his lover. In fact, this routine often drives disloyal spouses to cheat as they cannot commit to anyone or any patterns. If you notice your husband is going out more frequently than he used to, you might want to look into it.
One of the most common excuses a cheating husband will give is that he must work late. After all, employment can be the ultimate alibi since his income likely helps you maintain your living.
However, working late should usually be a rare occurrence and not something that happens so frequently you can predict when he will say it.
These evenings spent with his partner would likely be a little more obvious since constantly having to work late would be reflected in his income, proving whether he was working late or not.
Most times, when your husband is having his needs met elsewhere, you might find your sex life deteriorating.
While this can be heartbreaking, it can alert you to whether your spouse is having an affair or not. Especially if your husband previously had a powerful sex drive.
Alternatively, things could go in the opposite direction. Sometimes, your husband is so exhilarated by his affair that his sex drive doubles, and he is constantly hounding you for sex. While the former is far more likely, a sudden surge in his sex drive might be just as alarming.
Another common sign of a cheating husband is his outward appearance rather than an emotional response.
When your husband is out courting another man or woman, he will be working to impress them in a similar way to when he was trying to impress you.
He might start wearing different clothes, or he might shave more often. He might even start exercising more often to make his figure more appealing to someone else. A sudden change in your husband's fashion sense and physical health can be a common sign of infidelity.
When a man cheats on his spouse, he will often lose interest in spending time with you and will try to communicate with his new lover whenever possible.
This might mean he spends more time on the phone texting even when you are in the same room. He could even communicate with them to plan their next evening together when you sit beside him.
Spending excessive time texting and being reluctant to tell you who he is texting could signify that he is communicating with his lover right then and there.
Perhaps the strangest sign of a cheating husband is when he begins projecting his infidelity onto you. When your husband is cheating, the guilt of it all does affect him to some degree, though rarely to a point where he stops.
The difference is that he will be more vocal with his accusations and might constantly accuse you of cheating when you go out or speak to a male friend or co-worker. Sometimes, that projection is the source of his cheating, as his fear of being cheated on is so great that he decides to beat you to it. If your husband frequently accuses you of infidelity when you have done nothing, it can indicate his cheating.
A huge sign of infidelity is when your husband overcompensates for the smallest thing. An experienced cheater knows that the more reserved with information he is, the more likely he is to get caught.
For example, suppose you ask him a question about a woman he has texted with whom you are unfamiliar. In that case, he might overcompensate by immediately offering you access to all of his communication accounts. This sudden onset of sharing his correspondence is intended to set you at ease but might only make you more suspicious if the initial question was innocuous.
Similarly, he might go into excessive detail about his activities, having created an elaborate alibi. Once again, he does this to put you at ease, but the more in-depth he goes, the more likely he is lying.
Outings with an extramarital partner are expensive since it is just dating again. He might be taking them out to dinner, buying them gifts, or even helping them financially.
Either way, he is almost certainly spending money on this person. Often, these expenses are placed on a credit card tied to his bank account. He might sometimes charge it to your joint account if he is particularly foolish.
If your husband is spending money at boutiques and restaurants, it can be a dead giveaway that he is having an affair.
Rather than being unavailable mentally and emotionally, your husband might also be unavailable physically.
If your husband is constantly making excuses about why he cannot be with you at a certain point in the day, he might be covering for dates with his lover. Even when it is something you used to be able to rely on him for, like meeting up for lunch or spending a date night with you on weekends, in extreme cases, he will likely even have an excuse if you need to go to the hospital and he has "something he can't get out of right now."
Social media accounts are the easiest way to hide correspondence with a lover and allow him to focus on them instead of you.
If your husband has an extramarital affair, he might spend more time following his lover's posts and expressing their admiration on social media. He will do so to ingratiate himself to his lover, even if he was previously averse to social media.
Of course, the real red flag is his sudden appreciation for social media if he had previously avoided it.
There is virtually nothing as heartbreaking and disappointing as discovering the man you agreed to spend the rest of your life with is cavorting with someone else. It is a major violation of trust and an affront to his promises when you married him. However, infidelity is a real issue in a modern marriage that can devastate your entire world. Especially since infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce in the country. However, just because signs exist does not mean he is cheating on you. One or two signs could be innocent changes in behavior, but multiple signs or even one of the more serious signs can be fairly alarming.
We know that the idea that your husband is cheating on you is not one you want to entertain. We hope you never experience any of these signs and can live a long life with your husband. However, if you notice these signs in your husband's behavior, you might be in for a heartbreaking discovery.
After reading today's article, do you have any questions about the divorce process following your husband's potential infidelity, or the laws surrounding the divorce process? If so, please feel free to leave a comment down below, or reach out and contact us at any time. We understand that this is going to be a rough period of life, and we will gladly assist you through it to the best of our ability.
Marriage is never the most manageable commitment in the world. It is meant to be an equal partnership involving trust, respect, and compromise. Unfortunately, not everyone can see it that way and believes they have the right to exert authority over their spouse.
These uninformed views on marriage are generally held by those who lack respect for their spouse. In the worst-case scenarios, these people become extremely dangerous to their spouses and will attempt to micromanage everything they do. Sometimes, it can be beneficial to take a step back, examine your marriage, and ask if you are married to a controlling husband.
It is not always the simplest thing to figure out, as there will always be a blind spot for those we love.
The sooner you understand these red flags, the sooner you can take action to emancipate yourself from him. This article will cover some of the most important signs of a controlling husband that you will want to keep an eye out for.
Perhaps one of the most common and alarming traits of a controlling husband is that he will attempt to isolate you.
The more people you have in your support chain, the harder it is for a controlling husband to maintain his hold over you. Therefore, he might attempt to cut you off from friends and family to minimize the number of people able to point out his behavior and affect his control. The methods employed to do this can vary but generally involve trying to turn you against them.
He might claim that your friend and family are unsupportive of him and will try to force you to pick sides. Making it seem like cutting them off was your decision. Alternatively, he might try to convince you that your loved ones do not have your best interests at heart and turn you against them. He will relocate you to be as physically far away from them as possible in more extreme cases. If he is distancing you from loved ones and becoming hostile to your family, he might be trying to manipulate your social life to suit his needs.
Another surefire sign of a controlling husband will be a distinct disregard for your privacy.
No matter your relationship with anybody, you are entitled to your privacy - this is where the concept of trust becomes critical to a successful marriage. However, a controlling husband will be less inclined to allow you the privacy you deserve to have and will want to have full knowledge of your conversations with others.
Your husband will want unrestricted access to your phone, e-mail, and other communication profiles. This way, he will be able to read through any correspondence and ensure there is no risk to his control over you - this is also a sign of disregard for your boundaries. A controlling husband will only focus on his own needs rather than yours.
He will almost certainly become defensive when confronted with this behavior and try to turn things on you. He will espouse an “if you are upset, it’s because you have something to hide” mentality. This tactic is highly manipulative and one of the most distinctive aspects of a controlling husband. This type of behavior should be a priority red flag if you want to avoid being trapped in an unhealthy marriage.
Another significant sign of a controlling husband is likely based on the quality that drove them to such behavior.
A controlling spouse is probably highly insecure in the relationship and will express this through jealousy. This jealousy will lead to excessive levels of paranoia on your husband’s part, and he might try to compete with other men in your life regardless of the lack of romantic entanglement between you and them. Again, this jealousy likely stems from your spouse’s insecurity, which will cause him to lash out and try and sabotage your relationships with male peers.
A red flag behavior is when he dissects every detail of your interaction with other men. If your husband shows unfounded jealousy and paranoia regarding your relationships with other men, his controlling tendencies might worsen. It is crucial to identify and neutralize this behavior as soon as possible.
One of the most heartbreaking aspects of being married to a controlling husband is his ability to offer affection.
Often, a controlling spouse will express love and appreciation when things are going well. However, once a disagreement arises, and you are no longer operating within the bounds of his expectations, he might retract his “love.” This technique is subversive to a good marriage and will pressure you to be the “perfect wife” by adhering to his expectations and requirements.
A controlling husband will want things to be perfect, even when that is far beyond the realm of possibility. The terrifying part of this is that he will stand by these expectations even when you are struggling mentally and emotionally. When an issue arises for you, he will likely only be present after it is resolved and view it as an “interruption” rather than something he should be supporting you through as you would for him.
In a relationship, occasional fighting with your spouse is healthy and allows for issues to be made known so you can resolve them. However, the difference between a healthy fight and an overreaction is not so easily distinguished by people with controlling personalities.
If you are married to a controlling husband, he is liable to pick a fight at every opportunity over the smallest of infractions.
This behavior is inexcusable and one of the staples of a controlling spouse that could drive a wedge in the relationship. Doing even the slightest thing wrong in your husband’s eyes could explode into a huge argument.
Even the most minor thing like how you organize your side of the bathroom sink could devolve into a huge issue - this is one of the most obvious red flags since your husband cannot pick his battles correctly. These small battles can be exhausting both mentally and emotionally and signify that you need to confront your spouse as soon as possible.
No one is perfect. Our flaws are just as significant to our personalities as our strengths, and our flaws are part of how we can improve ourselves. Some people, however, are unable to accept the idea that they have done anything wrong and will fight such allegations with tooth and nail.
A controlling husband is unlikely to be any better about taking accountability for their actions.
He will shift the blame and try to make you feel like the unreasonable one in the relationship. They will view all criticism as an insult and try to turn the argument back on you by making it about your flaws.
Before long, you might find yourself walking on eggshells to avoid bruising your husband’s ego. Doing so would lead to a significant conflict and another evisceration of any flaws he perceives about you without addressing his own - this can turn your marriage into an unhealthy battlefield for all involved.
One of the more horrendous characteristics of a controlling husband is sexual coercion - this is a form of sexual abuse in which your spouse attempts to guilt or pressure you into sexual activity. While most men are well aware that sex is meant to be consensual and not expected, a few have more antiquated beliefs.
These beliefs lead controlling husbands to try and pressure you into sex under the foolish notion that marriage obligates you to meet their desires when they expect it.
We want to make it very clear that sexual coercion is not justifiable. It is deplorable when a controlling husband attempts to use it to their advantage. It should be taken as a sign that your husband does not have your best interests at heart and that you should consider getting away from him.
Clothing yourself is something we learn to do early on in our lives - the way we dress is a way of expressing ourselves that cannot be taken from us. However, when we try to impress someone, we might adjust our style to become more attractive as prospective partners.
When with a controlling spouse, you might find that your control over your wardrobe starts to slip away as your husband tries to exert authority over the clothes you wear.
He does this because he might find a particular aesthetic more appropriate for a wife - however, this should never be his decision. Sometimes this is due to his insecurity and worries that you'll appear attractive to other men, and other times this is simply about controlling your life.
A controlling husband will attempt to dispose of any clothing he disapproves of, but he might also control your hairstyle and makeup. This level of micromanagement is the pinnacle of manipulative behavior on a spouse’s part. If your husband attempts to govern your appearance on this unhealthy level, it is a red flag of a marriage doomed to fail.
A controlling husband will use any tool to try and get his way and keep you submissive. More often than not, deception will be one of their preferred tools.
A controlling husband will attempt to lie and deceive you to get what he wants. Alternatively, he does not have faith you can handle the truth.
This behavior makes it impossible for you to make an informed decision about important matters and takes your ability to trust away. Another major problem with the lack of honesty is that, when confronted, your husband will become defensive and once again try to turn things on you.
As with most controlling behavior, your husband will try to deflect the blame. He will likely attempt to take power away from your accusations even if it is ultimately founded. He will attempt to make you come off as the controlling one.
A controlling husband will want to control all significant aspects of your personality to suit his needs. Since being in a bad mood will seldom fit his designs, he will attempt to force you into particular emotional states and belittle you for feeling otherwise. If you are sad or angry, he will try to tell you to be happy and grateful for what he has to offer you and the state of your life.
This type of emotional manipulation makes it impossible for you to express the concerns or issues you have since he will view them as annoying.
Trying to get you to be happy when convenient for him and set aside your emotions when it is inconvenient is the epitome of manipulative behavior.
Realizing that you have married a controlling man will never be the most comfortable pill to swallow. After all, when you marry someone, it is because you are hoping to establish a partnership founded on mutual love and respect. Unfortunately, some people are too conservative to commit to such an equal partnership.
We are not saying you should jump headfirst into divorce, of course. Even when you realize that your husband is highly controlling, finding the courage to address the issue can be challenging. There might be a chance that it will be possible to repair your relationship and correct your husband’s ways with conversation and mediation. However, if that is not possible, you should decide what will allow you to be happy.
If your husband is trying to control the way you look, how you act, and who you interact with, he is likely a highly controlling person - this is far from conducive to a loving relationship. You might need to take measures to escape the toxic relationship. Fortunately, information is easier to come across now than it has ever been before. Still, if you have questions, feel free to leave a comment or ask about the next steps.
There are few things as emotionally draining as coming under the impression that the child you were going to raise is not yours. Raising a child is one of the more rewarding things you and your spouse can do, but when infidelity becomes a concern, there is a risk that the child is not yours. This kind of doubt is enough to tear a marriage apart and is not something we wish upon anyone.
When determining if the child you have reared is yours, a few resources are commonly employed to determine the child’s parentage. One of the more well-known tools is DNA paternity tests.
These DNA tests compare the child’s DNA to the alleged father’s to determine if he is the child’s parent. It would seem that such a test might be the best possible tool for making sure the child is well and truly yours. However, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be doubly sure about the validity of these tests before you submit the negative results to a divorce proceeding. Some worry that these tests could be wrong in some cases and come back with a false result.
This article will explore how likely it is for a DNA paternity test to be wrong so you can fully inform yourself in any legal proceedings they generate.
DNA paternity tests are far from the simplest things in the world. They involve the analysis of the DNA the child has inherited from both parents - this means that any child will be carrying markers of both parents that a laboratory can compare to either one.
Paternity tests strictly compare the child’s DNA markers to those of the alleged father when parentage concerns arise. The way the test is conducted can change radically depending on how specific the results need to be and the stage of the child’s life.
For a child who has already been born, two types of DNA paternity tests can be used:
These tests require the child to have been born and fully developed to acquire the child samples. However, if you have concerns about your child’s parentage before birth, many tests can be used while the child is still in the womb. These three tests are:
As you can see, the options for DNA paternity testing are numerous; however, the question of whether they can be wrong remains.
These tests are 99.9% accurate, but what about the last 0.1%?
DNA paternity tests have a near 100% success rate, but they are not foolproof as a standard-issue can arise during paternity testing. These tests compare genetic markers in the child to the father’s genetic makeup. However, human beings share 99% of their DNA with the general population unrelated to them. Therefore, the test must be comprehensive to ensure that the results are valid.
There is always the chance the test will end too soon before a full genetic profile is completed and lead to a false negative or false positive - this is why most labs test as many genetic markers as possible.
Human DNA can be unpredictable, and there are rare conditions in which the child’s DNA is completely different from their biological father’s. Additionally, there is always the chance of a DNA mutation affecting the results. However, the odds of such mutations are so low that you likely will not need to worry about them.
The most common cause of false results has to do with human error. If a lab does not observe proper standards, the DNA samples could become contaminated and yield an erroneous result, leaving you on the hook for a child that might not even be yours. However, this is still just a mistake that can be easily avoided by going through a reputable laboratory for your test. More often than not, the physician responsible for extracting the DNA samples will have an existing relationship with a high-quality laboratory. Unfortunately, there is a more nefarious reason for a false result.
One possible cause of a false result is who your spouse has cheated with. While DNA tests can eliminate people the child is not biologically related to, there is a blind spot for people you are related to. Suppose your spouse has cheated with a biological relative, a false positive increases the odds of a false positive - this is because of the same factors that allow you to test the child’s DNA to compare it against yours. Fathers and sons share 50% of the same genetic markers. However, if your spouse had an affair with such a relative, their genetic similarity to you could cause the result to come back a positive. The rates are as follows:
However, sometimes the DNA paternity test results are manipulated by your spouse to work out in their favor - this can occur regardless of who their lover is. Back in 2006, a study was conducted to analyze the rates of false positives in paternity tests. The findings showed that 30% of paternity tests were false positives due to fraudulent behavior.
Paternity fraud was once a major problem, with certain parents submitting another person’s DNA as their own to control the outcome of the test in their favor. The only real question is why one of the parents would want to induce a false positive or false negative.
DNA paternity tests are more than just a way to ensure that the child you are raising is yours. It also comes into play in a court of law when divorce proceedings are underway. Divorce is a highly uncomfortable legal process that no one ever wants to go through if you can help it. However, divorce is an unfortunately common legal battle, and children often serve as one of the main battling points.
When divorce results from infidelity on a spouse’s part, the proceedings favor the one victimized by the act. However, negotiations for child support payments are a significant aspect of the proceedings when a child is involved. Child support is only expected from a biological parent whose name is on the birth certificate. If a child is found not to be the father’s biological child, he might be exempt from such payments.
This situation is why paternity fraud was a prevalent issue. There were reports of women submitting the DNA of the child’s actual father under her spouse’s name to make it seem as though he is the father. On the other side, the fathers were submitting other men’s DNA as their own to secure a false result on the paternity tests - this allowed the fraudulent parties to control the negotiations for child support payments.
The women who were falsifying positive results would do so to trap their spouses into paying child support. Even if the child is not biologically theirs, this will leave the man stuck paying to support the child born of his spouse’s infidelity. On the other end, men would secure false positives even on children they know to be theirs to get out of child support altogether.
Essentially, the child’s paternity directly impacts how the divorce negotiations boil down in terms of child support payments - this has prompted those eager to get out of such responsibilities to try and fix the results in their favor. Even though such actions are highly illegal and can cause offenders to perjure themselves during the legal negotiations, it has been a rampant issue in the United States. One of the most famous examples is the case of Geoffrey Fisher.
Mr. Fisher had been paying child support for years for a child he believed he conceived with a woman with whom he had a brief relationship. Mr. Fisher eventually fell behind on his payments and was pursued by the state of Maine for nearly $12,000.00 in back support. When the state sent the girl into foster care after the mother lost custody, Mr. Fisher attempted to claim custody of “his daughter” when the state ordered a paternity test. The test proved that the girl was not his daughter, and he had been deceived into paying child support. He lost the right to see the girl but was still on the hook for his back support.
Eventually, a judge ruled to absolve Mr. Fisher of his child support obligations. The fact that Mr. Fisher was so quickly roped into paying child support and that the state of Maine was still trying to enforce the “deadbeat dad” laws on him proves how harmful false paternity is.
DNA paternity tests are a common practice in the legal world, as they enable the courts to eliminate the guesswork of parentage. However, there are always risks of false or tampered results where these tests are concerned. Regardless of whether you receive a positive or negative test, you might need to go through a secondary test to make sure the original was not a false result.
Nowadays, fraudulent tests are harder to pull off thanks to the oversight of physicians working to make sure that no false samples are submitted, but home tests are still a rampant issue that can skew the rate of accurate results. This test and so many other things directly impact divorce proceedings, so understanding them to the fullest extent is paramount to a successful case.
Fortunately, information on divorce law is easier to access now than it has ever been before. While the finer points of divorce law are best left to attorneys, a general understanding of the law is a more straightforward matter.
We at Learn Divorce Law aim to provide as much information as possible about divorce law to offer you all the resources you will need to maintain your legal rights. If you want more information about divorce law, we urge you to visit our website and browse our growing list of articles to be as informed as possible. We know that these situations are unpleasant and uncomfortable, and we are here to support you as best we can in these trying times.